Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Someone to Pull My Boots Off

Someone to Pull My Boots Off

The last eight days I’ve been sickeren' a dog.  That’s Okie-speak for not feeling worth a damn.  Severe headaches, nausea, and all-over body aches had me in bed for almost eight days straight.  Three trips to the doctor didn’t help.  They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

So, I would go home and sleep.  I would try to get up and around, but the swirling, throbbing headaches made me just want to go back to bed.  Lying in bed all that time, I just wanted someone to come check on me, bring me a cup of hot tea, maybe some soup.  It left me feeling really lonely. 

As my daughter frequently reminded me, she’s a teenage girl.  I know she loves me, but she does not love to take care of me.  I understand.  I was a teenager once.  My son would pop by to check on me, but he too has his own life.

And that was it.  Those were the only two people around to help and they were pretty busy with their own needs.  My teacher friends helped out at school.

Finally, this morning I went to the hospital for a CT scan.  Because I had to fast prior to the scan, I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since the night before.  I didn’t take any pain medication because I wasn’t sure if I could before the scan.  Racking my brain trying to think of anyone who could drive me, I came up with no one.  My daughter was in school, my son was in school, my friends are all teachers….at school.  My family lives hours away from me. 

I could possibly see if Tony, the ex-husband was in town.  He had to bring Caroline to me at the Women’s Center when I had my MRI because I absolutely had to have a driver that day.  That was nice of him, but I really didn’t want to have to call him.

My ex-mother-in-law lives one street away.  I could call her.  Ummm, no.

I had no one to call.

Over the past eight days, I had felt worse than I did while going through chemotherapy.  I was in constant pain that could only be relieved through pain medication.  I didn’t have the money to be buying all the different medications that weren’t working for me, nor the other things recommended for me.  And I felt completely alone, again.

This morning when I finally got the call for the CT scan, they said to head straight over.  I was still in my pajamas when they called, so I threw on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and for some reason, my cowboy boots.  I rushed over to the hospital for my scan. 

Head throbbing and walking like an old woman, I thought to myself, “Why did you wear your cowboy boots?  Not the most comfortable things when you ache from head to toe.”  Then I forgot about it and checked in.  The woman at admissions asked me a ton of questions, one of which was, “And you are single?”  Do you know how many times I have to tell people for one reason or another that I am single?  Geez.  Finally, I took my "single" self and had my CT scan.

After the scan, the nurse asked me if I had someone to drive me home.  I told him that no, I didn’t have anyone.  No.  I don’t have anyone.

At this time, I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before and I didn’t have my pain medications with me.  As I practically stumbled out to my vehicle and climbed in, I remembered my boots.  How in the hell am I going to get these off by myself?  I could barely turn my head without intense pain.  How am I going to bend over and take off my boots?  The tears started rolling down my face.  I just want someone to pull my boots off for me.

Is that too much to ask?  Someone to pull my boots off.

I’m tired of doing everything alone, having no one “there” for me.  I have lots of friends, but it has been so long since I just had some fun with someone, lots of laughs, tenderness.  Someone holding you tight, lost in the embrace, kisses that go on forever. 

And of course, someone to pull my boots off. 

I suppose it will happen when God decides the time is right for me.  I hope he isn't a Libra. They take forever to make up their minds. 

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