Sunday, March 27, 2011

Letting Go

Of all the lessons I have had to learn in my life, letting go has been one of the hardest for me.  Maybe it was a control issue.  Maybe it was out of fear.  Whatever it was, holding on so tightly to things has not served me well.

As with most of my life lessons, I had to learn the hard way to let go of things.  In teaching it has taken me a long time to start to learn to let go of some students who simply refuse to learn.  With my children, I had to let them go so they could find the truth on their own.  When I did let them go and they did discover the truth, they both came running back home to me.  I have had to let go of dreams of a nice house where I could have big family dinners and celebrations, at least for now. 

But the biggest thing for me has been learning to let go of what I thought of as a great love.  Sometimes there are people that we cling to because they impacted us so deeply, so profoundly.  As time goes on, I am learning that not everyone comes into our lives as a permanent fixture.  People and experiences come to teach us lessons we need to learn.  Now that I am finally beginning to see the big picture, I am realizing the great lessons I learned from all the people in my life - the good, the bad, and the ugly have helped to shape who I am.  For that I am truly grateful.  Even with all the heartache and frustration I experienced, by letting it all go I have become an incredibly strong woman, independent, still passionate, still hopeful. 

Recently my daughter and I thought very seriously about moving away.  I was so excited, anxious to leave this place and all its memories and start fresh.  My nights were spent dreaming about our new life.  Then she decided she didn't want to leave her friends and her school.  I didn't want to force her.  It's only three more years and then she'll graduate.  I thought I'd be really upset, but I wasn't.  I just let it go.  Just like that.  And it was easier this time.

That's the beauty of aging I suppose.  Your body may hurt in weird places and you start to get strange colored spots on your skin, but your mind, your heart, your soul....they start really coming together beautifully in a way that leaves you feeling as if maybe, just maybe you are beginning to figure out this whole thing called life.  And if feels good.  It feels really good.

1 comment:

Ray Kemp said...

Very nice, Miss Kelli! There is nothing we can do as we get older which is a daily fact of life. Live to the fullest everyday!

I too waited until my girls were finished with school before I began a somewhat nomadic lifestyle and believe me I wanted to start sooner! But, looking back I'm glad I waited.

Good to hear from you and keep us updated with your photography as well!


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