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You are still here, Kelli. You are healthy, strong, smart, capable. None of this has "killed" you, therefore as the saying goes, you must be stronger. And you are. You are much stronger than you realize. You have withstood all of Tony's attempts to destroy you. Financially you may not be where you want to be but you are letting go of the things you no longer need. Material things...emotional things...ideas of what you thought your life was supposed to be. All of these "things" in your life that you have held on to so tightly that you couldn't bloom.
Anais Nin said, "And the time came when the risk it took to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom." You've been holding on so tightly that you couldn't bloom. A flower doesn't strain to stay in the bud...it just blooms, naturally. No emotional baggage. No tears.
By letting go of the life you thought you had to have, you will now be able to live the life you are meant to have. This life will enrich you, uplift you, inspire you, and encourage you to be your best. You will bring joy and love to others simply by being yourself because that's where your true beauty is.
You have never been one to fit in with everyone else. In conversations, you take things to the next level and the next while most people keep it at a fairly shallow depth. Your beliefs are strong and solid, yet you are willing to listen and try to understand the beliefs of others. You have always felt as if your destiny was different from that of the average woman. So why would you expect that your life would be lived like that of the average woman?
While holding on to the dream of the life of a housewife with a husband, kids, home, family celebrations...inside you know that you are not meant for this life. You know that, deep down. You are meant for adventure...travel...solace at times.
You are not meant to shop at the trendy boutiques and wear the latest fashions. "Backwoods" is more your style. You'd rather spend $150.00 on a good pair of hiking boots versus a trendy skirt. You would rather be driving your 4-Runner off-road somewhere in the mountains in jeans and a boony hat versus driving a cute sports car around town. You'd rather have your hair sun bleached naturally by the sun from hanging outside versus spending $100.00 every six weeks on a good highlighting job.
As much as you love your daughter, you can now accept that she is many of those things that you are not. And that is ok. She will find her own way. You find yours. You know the path you need to take. And it is far removed from the path you thought you were supposed to be on. When you finally find yourself on the right path, numerous doors will open for you, welcoming you in. You will now be swimming with the current of your life instead of trying to swim across it in the opposite direction. Your life will flow easily now.
You are one of those independent women you always look up to. The women of Santa Fe that so inspire you...you are like them. You are strong-willed, passionate, and independent. You will do great things and you will touch many people, millions of people.
So, Kelli...write, paint, create...live. Live your life the way you know you were meant to live it. Live with Passion, live with purpose! Follow your heart. Take this time to purge things from your life that are unnecessary, that weigh you down, that slow you down. Find out what is important in your life. It's not the standing mixer or the nice house. It's not the image you present to people. It's what you present to people, in yourself. That's how you make a difference...with yourself...not with your stuff, not with the kind of home you live in...not with the kind of car you drive or the clothes you wear.
You are meant to live an EXTRAORDINARY LIFE, Kelli...start today!