Sunday, July 25, 2010

Church

I went to church today - twice. Brad and I went to the 11:30 am service and then I returned for the 6:00pm service alone. It was the exact same service, but I think I needed to hear it twice.

I'm not an overly religious person, but I do have very strong beliefs. The message today was about having faith and never giving up when we are faced with extraordinary circumstances in life. As I feel that I have been facing extraordinary circumstances in one way or another for the last ten years, it was a powerful message. I continue to find myself dealing with my issues alone and that makes it very difficult. I feel very defeated at times.

After this morning's service I made a decision to explore the church commnity a little bit. I need to get on a new path with my life, meet new people, find a circle of friends perhaps. Who knows? Maybe I'll even find a good man who wants to share his life with me. Even though I have given up on dating for 2010, it would be nice to have someone to just hang out with.

The church I went to seems to have a diverse group of people attending and is large enough that I feel as if I can find a group of people that I would click with. We'll see.

In the meantime, today's message keeps swirling through my head about never giving up, keeping the faith, letting go of those toxic people or relationships that don't do you any good. The message was about continuing to do good and you will be rewarded. I have to have faith in that because I feel like I have worked so hard at doing the right thing for so long and I just continue to have more happen. Maybe by cutting some ties, heading in a new direction, I will find that peace of mind that I have been searching for.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Photography

Tonight I posted my latest photography on my photography blog: (photographybykellithomas.blogspot.com in case anyone is interested).

As I was going through the site, I found some very encouraging remarks from people. I have to admit it.....I love the feedback I get, especially when it is coming from other photographers - amateur or professional.

Photography is incredibly fulfilling for me. It is something I almost always do alone. My best work has come from spontaneous trips where I grab my camera, hop into the 4-Runner and head out without a clue as to where I am heading. My poor road atlases are ragged and faded, yet are so treasured by me. I carry a yellow highlighter in my vehicle so I can highlight the roads I take, always trying to take a road never before traveled. Oh, the things I have discovered!!

Gotta run for now.....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Fear (and Writing)


Fear....

Such a small word for such a powerful force. Yet this very word is the reason I have not been writing as I promised myself I would.

Recently I was telling my dad a story about an uneasy moment or two I had on my trip to New Mexico last week. He looked at me, almost shocked, and said, "Kelli, you aren't afraid of ANYTHING!"

He reminded me of the time I wandered around downtown Oklahoma City, alone, at the crack of dawn with my camera and a homeless man followed me around. I reminded myself of the time I drove to the Guads for the first time, by myself, and got up to Hunter Camp alone. Keith was really impressed by that. And when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was more of an inconvenience to me than anything. That really got me to thinking, I'm not afraid of a lot of things, or if I do feel fear, I face it and move on.

So why the fear of writing? This is something I have been yearning to do for years now. Is it the honesty? Am I worried that someone won't be happy that my honesty includes stories about them? Do I worry that people won't like what I have to say? Does it really matter?

I think it is all of the above. What I do know is that if I don't write, daily, then there is really no point in my dreaming of becoming a writer. Strangely enough, writers have to write.

In an earlier post I wrote about commitment, which is clearly a problem I have when it comes to creating the life I want for myself. I can commit to my family, my children, to the man I love, but I haven't been able to commit to myself. I can quote fabulously successful people on commitment, I could coach anyone to become something great, yet have failed miserably in my own life. Each time I read a book, I think to myself, "I could do this....I could write." Countless people have told me I am a good writer, I love words and the power they have, and I have a swirling of ideas in my head daily.

Looking back on the last ten years of my life, I know there is much to tell. I have been through a lot and emerged just fine, not where I'd like to be, but fine. I can't help but think that telling my story can help someone else just as other's stories helped me.

I have ideas for children's books, young adult books, novels...... The life of a writer appeals to me, researching my books, freedom to write whenever and wherever. Not being inside an office building or a classroom all day. Freedom to use the bathroom whenever I like. Freedom to eat lunch when I am hungry. Freedom to leave and do research.

So, it is really quite simple. I need to write, daily. When the words come to me, which they do all day long, I need to sit and release them from their cranial prison.

Daily, Kelli, you have to write daily.

What happens when you take a break from Facebook?

Eleven days I ago I deactivated my Facebook account. The negative posts, political bashing, and idiotic memes were beginning to have an adve...