Monday, February 1, 2010

Connection

I haven't written in a couple of weeks.

There has been plenty on my mind, but it couldn't find it's way out for some reason.

I find myself, as always, on my journey.......looking for answers, looking for connection. At times I feel almost desperate for someone to understand me, actually GET what I am feeling, GET what I need. It is so hard to find someone that understands me on that level. And if you find someone that you think might, just maybe, perhaps, understand what you are feeling.....you can't quite seem to connect with them.

Someone very dear to me recommended a book to me....Women Who Run with the Wolves. I thought it was a very fitting title to recommend considering the time I have invested in wolves whether through my art or my researching of the book I want to write. How fitting that she should recommend a book with that title. Once I started researching what the book was about, I was stunned. The book is about reconnecting with the Wild Woman inside of you. A woman I am just now coming to know intimately. How did she know? Does she relate to me on a level I did not recognize?

Maybe I am looking for connection in the wrong places. With the wrong people. It seems to me that if it is right, it will flow, it will come.....the energy is there. When you are trying to connect with the wrong person, it is awkward, uneasy, painful even. When you connect with the right person, you know. You just know.

I had an experience recently where I felt I connected with someone very deeply. Maybe the connection was only meant to be a temporary one. But I felt it. I understood it. It all made sense.

I suppose that really, the most important connection I need to have is the one with myself. That is the one that has been fractured for so long. Rather than looking to an outside connection, I need to look within.....to the Wild Woman who is pacing anxiously within me, ready to be free again....that's where my peace will be found. Once that vital connection has been made, it will pave the way for other connections in my life. Long lasting, deep connections.

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