Tuesday, January 12, 2010

What a Day...

What a day....

I was running on less than five hours of sleep and woke up to one hell of a hangover. The wine was very good last night and I enjoyed it, very much. Perhaps it was a little liquid courage, but it was worth it.

When the alarm went off at 5am I immediately went in and took 3 Advil with a large glass of water and promptly went back to bed for about 30 minutes to allow the pain reliever to kick in, which it did.

As always, I woke up with a positive outlook on my day. Daycare, while hectic, is usually pleasant even though there are those people who I swear look forward to making my life miserable with their strange tuition payments that I can't for the life of me figure out where they came up with the amount they paid. When my daycare duty is over, I head to the classroom, looking for about 25 minutes of quiet time before my day begins.

This day started off with a bang! I ended up with approximately 2 minutes of quiet time in my classroom and then realized minutes before the bell rang that I needed to go reschedule my Media Center lesson and more importantly, go to the bathroom before the students arrived. On the way to the Media Center I got stopped by the teacher who has taken over my after school duty and we were quickly joined by the principal. We stood talking about our chaotic afternoon dismissal procedures as I wondered if I would have time for the Media Center and the bathroom.

As I entered the Media Center, the bell rang. I decided to go ahead and get the lesson rescheduled. By the time I was done, my class was already lined up outside my classroom. I knew it would be two hours before I could go to the bathroom, so I asked a teacher to watch my class for a minute.

When I returned I could tell what the day would hold for me. Chaos. Attitude. Disrespect. Again? Seriously?

Certain students were already chomping at the bit, ready to engage with me....subtle defiance, just to see what buttons they could push. As the day wore on, I thought to myself, what more can I possibly do to get the attention of these kids? How do I combat such utter apathy? What more can I do to make certain students feel "safe" and engage them in learning? I wondered where the rudeness came from. What made them feel as if it was ok to speak to me in such a rude, disrespectful way. My head just began to feel heavy as I thought of all of these things.

I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of fighting in general. I'm not a fighter. I will fight, but I don't want to. I admit it.....I want things to be easy, especially when I feel like I have worked so very hard for things to go well in life for myself and others. Why do other people make it so much harder?

I want ............. for now, I want sleep. I should have been asleep an hour ago. I don't want to write more tonight.

This blog is good for me. It's so much different than simply keeping a journal. Maybe it's because I know there is a possibility of other people reading it and with a journal you always plan on the information staying totally private. I don't know..... All I know is I am very tired and I'm calling it a night.....

More later.

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